“There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.” -Shakespeare
Our thoughts and beliefs have incredible power—they make us strong or weak, and we must learn how to control them.
To manage emotions learn diaphragmatic breathing, meditate, and use the ABC model (usually applied in the cognitive-behavioral psychotherapy).
The ABC model of emotions and behaviors is as follows:
A: activating event
B: beliefs
C: consequences
Usually we think an event or situation causes our emotions and behaviors—for instance, not achieving a sales target (event) causes stress (consequence)—but this is not the case.
The cause of our emotions and behaviors are thoughts and beliefs. What provokes negative emotions such as anxiety, or anger, are irrational beliefs.
What we say in our head can make us happy or depressed, strong, or weak. Control your thoughts, do not become their slave.
Here’s an example of how you can use the ABC model to manage your emotions:
A (activating event): Not achieving the sales target.
B (beliefs): “I am not a good salesperson”; “I cannot convince people to buy this product”; “I should change my job.”
C (consequences): anxiety, stress, frustration.
This example demonstrates that those thoughts and beliefs are self-sabotage.
In this case, not achieving the sales target is not the cause of your stress, but your thoughts are.
What can you do to manage negative thoughts and beliefs? Destroy them, question them, and demonstrate that they are irrational.
Example: “I am not a good salesperson”; “I cannot convince people to buy this product”; “I should change my job.” If you are good at building relationships, influencing people, and dedicated to making money, then you are a good salesperson. Did you achieve your sales goal before? If yes, you are good at selling. Maybe there are other issues to consider, such as goal setting, competitors, product characteristics, marketing strategies, etc.
How much your sales success depends on you, and how much depends on factors you cannot control? What can you do differently to increase sales? What is stopping customers from buying your product? Ask yourself the right question, and you will figure out the solution.
These examples demonstrate questioning irrational beliefs.
Do the same with your useless and noxious negative thoughts. Focus on your goals and how you will achieve them. Focus on the resources you have and your skills. Focus on solutions, not on problems.
Dr. Andrea Miriello
Business Psychologist
Consultant, Business Coach, and Trainer